TIME FOR JOY

Or, never forget how to engage and enjoy life!

By Patience Pantperhog, a peripatetic putz with a nose for addlepated adventure, things that make one go “cowabunga!” and people with a spunky and playful spirit who don’t take themselves all that seriously

A recent U.S. statistical report indicated that people typically spend on average 8.5 days per month commuting to work, and 47 hours a year in traffic jams (up from 40 hours a decade earlier).

If that’s true, (and there’s no reason to think otherwise unless you’re one of those nitpicky nosey-parker testy types with an axe to grind), then the real question is just what do folks do to occupy their time in the slow lane of life?

Some fret and fume frantically, while others harangue or harrumph hopelessly about “spinning their wheels and going nowhere fast”. Of course there are a precious few, like the “creative loafing crowd”, who seem to take life as it comes.

Leisure-minded lads and ladies plus little lollygaggers can usually be found building lemonade stands when inundated with the yellow citrus fruit all over their front lawns, or buying bigger umbrellas, longer hip waders and posh pet beds when it’s raining cats and dogs.

Perhaps there’s a lesson or two to be learned from “creative loafers”:

1. Live life to the fullest everyday – find something positive in every situation and person you meet, feel your own rhythm, and explore your reason for being here.

2. Discover your true passion and then do what you love to do; it’s the only way to experience peace of mind not to mention happiness beyond your wildest dreams.

3. Celebrate everything – because after all, you’re the hero or heroine of your very own story; take a little time to honor every accomplishment be it big or small.

4. Be around fun people whenever you can; their joyful spirit is to known to add just enough levity to life to defy the force of gravity when it really counts.

5. Share your gifts and talents as well as your light and warmth with everyone; be ready to entertain, encourage and comfort them, and last but not least, be open to receiving the precious gifts and treasures that others may have to offer.

By the way, every creative loafer knows that fun and frolic can be enjoyed anytime, anywhere. Life is never boring when you smell roses, collect fairy stones or four leaf clovers, and have a stash of luscious lollypops nearby, appropriately named "Sugar Daddies", "Sweetie Pies" or "Tootsie Treats"!

ERGASOPHOBIA

Or, how come I never heard of that word before?

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D. (a pretty happy dude), whose easy-as-pie attitude to life makes him a shoe-in for Dean of Do-Nothing at the Creative Loafing Institute, (dedicated to the long lost art of lingering, lollygagging or just hanging out in a lackadaisical or lounging manner in the company of oneself or other like-minded folk)

Being an egghead sometimes has its advantages …like having a piece of software or a 1930’s cartoon character named after you, and a place to hang your mortarboard when impressing fanciful first-year college students.

On the other hand, being an egghead conjures up negative images like folks with pithy pointed heads, horned rimmed glasses, and a prominent protuberance pinched between one too many pages of posterity.

So rather than debate the merits of how many fairies are dancing on the head of a pin like many of my esteemed colleagues at the Creative Loafing Institute, I have found that devoting myself to an appreciation of a little known state of affairs called “ergasophobia” to be infinitely more entertaining.

For those niggardly need-to-know types, “ergasophobia” has nothing to do with a popular pastime among tiny tots, macho males in elevators, and a taboo topic at the dinner table -- … the full-bodied and unmuffled release of fetid flatus.

“Ergasophobia” should not be confused with another “e”-inspired form of dis-ease known as “erythrophobia”, (a fear of blushing), or its close cousin, “eremophobia” (fear of being oneself or of loneliness).

Perhaps it’s about time to kill the suspense and just inform everyone just why “ergasophobia” deserves any sort of attention in the great scheme of things.

Those who enjoy snoozing, schlepping about, or sipping on something strong and full-bodied (whatever that may be), will probably have a predisposition towards “ergasophobia”. Likewise, those who have a passion for twiddling their thumbs, tapping their toes, or whistling a witty tune while watching the world go by will undoubtedly be all too familiar with “ergasophobia”.

Worker bees, head honchos, and platitudinous politicians will probably declare "ergasophobia" to be the single-most destructive disease to afflict the 21st century hives of industry and innovation. No less than 15,000 web pages are devoted to this malady more often known by its shirking symptoms, thither and yon thinking processes, or lackadaisical lissome lifestyle that is not conducive to any form of work, (be it physical or mental).

While pill-pushing potentates invest millions in powerful potions designed to put folks to sleep or wake them up, there are many who stubbornly refuse to practice the Protestant work ethic, who throw their “Think & Do” books aside, and with a smile simply toss their “to do” lists, cell-phones, and laptops in the drink.

So, while some may have been labeled by economists, eggheads, and employers as loafers, lollygaggers, or laggards…perhaps these folks something to teach the rest of us. Maybe they have found the best way to spend every moment ...in the joy of being here right now… without fear of the past or the future, and more importantly, a willingness to let go and by doing so -- find their place in the flow of life.

ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT LOAFERS

Or, stuff you probably don’t know in the great scheme of things

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D. (a pretty happy dude), whose easy-as-pie attitude to life makes him a shoe-in for Dean of Do-Nothing at the Creative Loafing Institute, (dedicated to the long lost art of lingering, lollygagging or just hanging out in a lackadaisical or lounging manner in the company of oneself or other like-minded folk)

“Loafers”, well let’s see if you didn’t know what they were, there are 5,760,000 web pages devoted to this seven-lettered word in the English language.

Those who can’t find their funnybones, or perhaps have misplaced their joy of life, believe that loafers are synonymous with Protestant-work-ethic-challenged members of society such as beachcombers, good-for-nothings, goldbrickers, idlers, lazybones, malingerers, ne’er-do-wellers, shirkers, ski-bums, slackers, wanderers and wastrels. “Loafers” they suggest have a lot in common with members of the animal kingdom who occupy lower rungs on the food chain of life such as lizards, slugs or sloths.

Often removing one’s blessed blinkers puts things into perspective. A quick glance at web pages highlighting “Loafers” reveals some interesting facts:

• The “Loafers Beach Club” in North Carolina offers a hoot of a time for shagging shindiggers who like to wink at the dj, tap their toes to live music, or trip the light fantastic like Fred Astaire?

• "The Penny Loafers”, a premier rock and pop coed cappella group hailing from the University of Pennsylvania, who can certainly belt out a tune or two to keep folks happy!

• All manner of fetish-footwear and sole-inspired spirits take great delight in trying on those low, leather-step in shoes called “loafers” (that resemble moccasins) because they’re oh so classy, comfy and cozy!

• And then there’s the “Loafers Glory”, (a clog-dancing group of women based in Ashville, North Carolina who love to perform a unique dance style from the Northwest part of England including such dances as the “Godley Hill”, “Knutsford” and their very own “French Broad”!)

• If you missed the mirth-filled movie called “Vagabond Loafers” (1949), you can grab a copy at the video store and see the antics of “The Three Stooges” as ‘Day & Night’ plumbers called out to a fancy mansion where a party’s going on…need we say more!

• And last but not least, why not send a merry missive off to a “MySpace” Maven named “Loafer”, (who says she’s 102 years old, lives in Chicago, Illinois, wears high heels, and has fast wheels not to mention a pocket full of cash!)

So, there you are ...a treasury of tidbits about "loafers".

Now all you need to do is lighten up, kick back, and explore the leisure-inspired world of "loafers". Frankly, it’s the best way I know how to relieve stress, keep party-poopers at bay, and stop funk-oriented family and friends from raining on one's parade!

WANTED: COURT JESTERS & FOOLS!

Or, …if you hear laughter, you’re definitely not in heaven!

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, PhD (pretty hopeless dingbat) who occupies a place of honor in The Creative Loafing Institute as Dean of Dross & Drollery, and he's also the Occasional Chairperson of the Cheerful Chinwag & Chortle Department (whenever the spirit moves him)

Nearly 121 million web pages are devoted to the humble “fool” with but a mere 7,290,000 dedicated to his opposite, the “wise man”. One might assume therefore that fools outnumber wise men by a ratio of 17 to 1, but one might be wrong.

Considering the fact that in the 13th century court jesters played a vital role in royal affairs, these once indispensable positions died however with the demise of King Charles I in 1649. It seems that Oliver Cromwell’s republican supporters thought it looked like a good idea at the time. Little did they know that when the monarchy was restored eleven years later, regrettably the role of the court jester was not resurrected. (Perhaps that was because a strong belief in God, the Holy Trinity and a surplus of angels was more useful than the frivolous remarks of a fool with a title.)

Today the fool has been relegated to the back of one card in Tarot Card deck. Clearly, there are few opportunities for fools to find their rightful place in a world full of logic, reason, and practical solutions to every problem under the sun.So just what might a help wanted classified ad for a fool say today?

Help Wanted: A consummate cully who is willing to fall in love with every new product or service on the market, and then part with his or her money easily!

Wanted Immediately: A mirthful person who owns an outfit with bells, is prepared to carry a bladder on a stick if required, and is willing to be the butt of everyone’s jokes as well as provide entertainment spontaneously when called upon to do so by the powers that be if you please.

Exceptional Career Opportunity: A Corporate Jester who’s willing to do the undoable, think the unthinkable, say the unsayable, and last but not least, drive the organization bonkers with oodles of creative folly!

True fools understand that their journey of jocularity demands that they travel light, for they know not where they are going or what they’re supposed to be doing.By exercising their sense of curiosity, they have no fear of asking silly questions like: “Why is that elephant sitting in the living room?”, “Why is the Emperor wearing no clothes?” or “Who says it can't be done?”

Those with a mission of mirth and merriment know that their only purpose in life is to go out and enjoy the world. For their sole passion is just to see what there is to see and delight in all of it …without any preconceived notions or expectations about anything or anyone.

No need for “fool-proof” plans or fear of looking like a fool; because fools are always true to themselves and their calling! These light-hearted souls enjoy exploring the mysteries of life. And their candor not to mention their creativity in dealing with conundrums make them grateful guests at any grassroots giggle gathering.

So, without further ado: "A toast to fools the world over – may they entertain, educate and enliven our journey through life!"