ERGASOPHOBIA

Or, how come I never heard of that word before?

By Ovid Publius Hadweenzic, Ph.D. (a pretty happy dude), whose easy-as-pie attitude to life makes him a shoe-in for Dean of Do-Nothing at the Creative Loafing Institute, (dedicated to the long lost art of lingering, lollygagging or just hanging out in a lackadaisical or lounging manner in the company of oneself or other like-minded folk)

Being an egghead sometimes has its advantages …like having a piece of software or a 1930’s cartoon character named after you, and a place to hang your mortarboard when impressing fanciful first-year college students.

On the other hand, being an egghead conjures up negative images like folks with pithy pointed heads, horned rimmed glasses, and a prominent protuberance pinched between one too many pages of posterity.

So rather than debate the merits of how many fairies are dancing on the head of a pin like many of my esteemed colleagues at the Creative Loafing Institute, I have found that devoting myself to an appreciation of a little known state of affairs called “ergasophobia” to be infinitely more entertaining.

For those niggardly need-to-know types, “ergasophobia” has nothing to do with a popular pastime among tiny tots, macho males in elevators, and a taboo topic at the dinner table -- … the full-bodied and unmuffled release of fetid flatus.

“Ergasophobia” should not be confused with another “e”-inspired form of dis-ease known as “erythrophobia”, (a fear of blushing), or its close cousin, “eremophobia” (fear of being oneself or of loneliness).

Perhaps it’s about time to kill the suspense and just inform everyone just why “ergasophobia” deserves any sort of attention in the great scheme of things.

Those who enjoy snoozing, schlepping about, or sipping on something strong and full-bodied (whatever that may be), will probably have a predisposition towards “ergasophobia”. Likewise, those who have a passion for twiddling their thumbs, tapping their toes, or whistling a witty tune while watching the world go by will undoubtedly be all too familiar with “ergasophobia”.

Worker bees, head honchos, and platitudinous politicians will probably declare "ergasophobia" to be the single-most destructive disease to afflict the 21st century hives of industry and innovation. No less than 15,000 web pages are devoted to this malady more often known by its shirking symptoms, thither and yon thinking processes, or lackadaisical lissome lifestyle that is not conducive to any form of work, (be it physical or mental).

While pill-pushing potentates invest millions in powerful potions designed to put folks to sleep or wake them up, there are many who stubbornly refuse to practice the Protestant work ethic, who throw their “Think & Do” books aside, and with a smile simply toss their “to do” lists, cell-phones, and laptops in the drink.

So, while some may have been labeled by economists, eggheads, and employers as loafers, lollygaggers, or laggards…perhaps these folks something to teach the rest of us. Maybe they have found the best way to spend every moment ...in the joy of being here right now… without fear of the past or the future, and more importantly, a willingness to let go and by doing so -- find their place in the flow of life.